OUR UNTOLD STORIES – Where is home?

25 May 2016

Written as part of Our Untold Stories by the Me & You Women’s Group, All2gether

“Where are you from?” What does that mean? I’m from lots of places. I was born in one place but I don’t remember it. That might be my heritage, that’s what I tick on the ‘ethnicity’ section, but it doesn’t quite fit.

Why do you ask? It is because I’m not white, that I couldn’t possibly be from here? I don’t have the accent so you want to see my birth certificate? Why is it so important that you know? Are we looking for connections, or are we just curious?

When I’m not well, I remember a city I used to live. Funny that’s ‘home’ when I felt so out of place when I first went there. When I moved here, there was only one other non-white person. And people expect you must know and like each other. ‘You’ll get on’… because why?

Growing up, we all knew each other. People are always making connections, ‘I know your mum…’ It suits you at that time. It’s where you’ve built your nest. You stay in people’s hearts. Even when it’s changed so much, enough is familiar. But there comes a point when it’s not the same place, not the same community, not so friendly. I used to know most people.

‘Home’ depends on my mood. I can change my home to suit my argument. I have back-up homes all over: somewhere I escape to chill out, a city when I’m buzzy. My many homes give me many options. Sometimes my many homes stretch me in too many directions and I fracture, belonging nowhere.

I moved to the countryside and felt I lost all access to mental stimulation. I feel most alive in a city. I saw the train racing through our sleepy town and thought ‘you’re my escape’.
Sometimes I can’t wait to get home to the quiet. The city is fine for shopping, holidays, visits. That’s enough.
In a city I feel lost.
In a city I can be myself. No one looks at you or judges you like in a small village.
In the country, things are more conventional, reserved, slobby. No one looks at you or judges you like in a city.

‘Home’ is the happiest I’ve been. Where I was safe. Where I shut the door, breathe, turn the phone off, relax. Where I’m content, at ease.

All2gether supports individuals and community groups from ethnic minority backgrounds in West Berkshire through advocacy, networking, training and development. For more information, visit all2gether.org.uk or call 01635 817 316